Roy and Belkar get introduced to their new life as gladiators.
Cast
- Roy Greenhilt ◀ ▶
- Belkar Bitterleaf ◀ ▶
- Evisceratus ▶
- Gladiator Warden ▶
- Weaker Gladiator ▶
- Bearded Gladiator ▶
- Lizardfolk Gladiator with Brownish Skin ▶
- Lizardfolk Gladiator with Green Skin ▶
- Oil Steward ▶
- Three Gladiators
- Two Empire of Blood Guards
Transcript
- Panel 1
Roy, Belkar, 8 gladiators and 3 guards stand in a fenced in sandy ground.
Belkar: OK, I officially want to leave, now.
- Panel 2
Roy: Really? I thought fighting for the amusement of the crowd would be right up your alley.
Belkar: Sure, but not in sandals.
Belkar: I mean, seriously.
- Panel 3
Belkar: Also, everyone here could use a little less loin and a lot more cloth.
Warden: Alright, you sons of whores!
- Panel 4
Warden: You are now all officially gladiators, and it's my job to whip you into shape so the fine people of this empire can watch you all be killed, gruesomely.
Warden: Now listen closely, because I'm about to tell you how it's going to be in this hellhole for the rest of your short, miserable lives.
- Panel 5
Warden: First, I'm going to line you up and shout at you.
Warden: I'll belittle you, call you a few names, and repeatedly mention how you are probably all going to die.
Warden: Actually, that's the part we're doing right now, so we're running a little ahead of schedule.
- Panel 6
Warden: Then, you will be allowed to wander the common area, where the other prisoners will snarl at you, steal the pieces of bread that are being handed out, and generally act like insecure schoolyard bullies.
Warden: At that time, one of you will defend a weaker prisoner from said bullies, possibly giving him your own bread.
- Panel 7
Warden: This will create a close friendship between the two of you, most likely with strong homosexual overtones that will not be fully explored.
Warden: Later, the weaker gladiator will be killed in the arena, and then you will kill the one who killed him in a big climactic match.
- Panel 8
Warden: Oh, and before I forget, you will remain stripped to the waist with your muscles oiled at all times, for no apparent purpose.
Warden: See the Oil Steward if your skin becomes dry for any reason.
The Oil Steward stands holding a brush and a bucket labeled "OIL". Another bucket sits at his feet labeled, "SNAKE OIL".
- Panel 9
Trainer: Where was I? Ah, right—
Trainer: The part where one of you catches the eye of a beautiful noblewoman while fighting, only to reject her amorous advances.
- Panel 10
Roy: OK, I think as long as we avoid being the tough-looking guys who get knocked out in the first round to show how strong the champion is, we'll be fine.
Belkar: Sorry, wasn't listening.
Belkar grabs a weaker prisoner's bread.
Belkar: Gimme that!
Evisceratus: Hey!
D&D Context
- Halflings have tough leathery soles on their feet and hair on the top of their feet; they prefer to walk barefoot since shoes are not necessary for them. Thus Belkar's objection to the sandals. Also, because he is a sexy shoeless god of war.
Trivia
- The title is a play on a line from the Zucker brother's 1980 satirical parody film Airplane!. When little Joey is invited into the cockpit, Captain Oveur asks, "Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?", among other increasingly inappropriate questions.
- The strip in general lampshades the fanservice aspects of gladiator films, particularly the oil steward, there to oil up the scantily clad men.
- The character role Roy refers to is sometimes called The Worf Effect, where a newly introduced character is shown to be strong and/or dangerous by fighting equally with, or defeating, a character that is already established as strong themselves. Roy almost ends up falling into the exact role he described in this comic when he's set up to fight The Champ in comic #787.
- This is the first appearance of the Gladiator Warden, the Oil Steward, and the various gladiators, including Evisceratus, who is the olive skinned gladiator between the Bearded Gladiator and the Weaker Gladiator whose bread is stolen by Belkar.