Belkar struggles with either revealing that he did a good deed or not getting credit for causing chaos. But Ian Starshine knows the truth.
Cast
- Roy Greenhilt ◀ ▶
- Belkar Bitterleaf ◀ ▶
- The Champion ◀ ▶
- Ian Starshine ◀ ▶
- Clipboard Guard ◀ ▶
- Clipboard Guard's Assistant ◀
- Champ's Guards ▶
Transcript
- Panel 1
Roy and Belkar stand in the gladiator stables of the arena.
Roy: Where the hell have you been?
Belkar: Taking the biggest dump since Elan assigned his Intelligence score. What’s it to you?
Roy: You missed all the excitement. Someone let the big dinosaur loose in the arena, and the two bounty hunters escaped.
Roy: The guards are freaking out trying to figure out who did it.
- Panel 2
Belkar: I had nothing to do with that!
Roy: Yeah, I know.
Belkar: ...You do?
Roy: Yep.
Belkar: Well, OK, then.
Roy: OK.
- Panel 3
Beat. They begin walking stage left.
- Panel 4
Belkar: Just out of curiosity, how do you KNOW that I didn’t set the dinosaur free?
Roy: Uh… I’ve met you?
Belkar: What is that supposed to mean?
- Panel 5
Roy: It means that you only do stuff if it gets you something, or if you think it’s funny.
Belkar: A bunch of dead guards is hilarious.
Roy: To you? Yes. But it would have been even funnier to you to watch the big guy have to kill his friend, and THEN release it.
- Panel 6
Belkar: Oh. Right.
Belkar: OK. well, yeah. Sounds like you’ve got that figured out.
Roy: Yep.
Belkar: Wasn’t me.
Roy: I know.
- Panel 7
Two guards enter. One holds a clipboard.
Clipboard Guard: Alright, they got the allosaurus sedated and back in its cage.
Clipboard Guard: Greenhilt, you’re up. The Champ is on his way.
Roy: I guess this is it. Don’t maim anyone while I’m gone.
Belkar: Right, because I hurt people, I don’t help them.
Roy: ...Right.
- Panel 8
Ian Starshine: You’re a master of deceit.
Belkar: Hey, I’m not used to this! I usually rub my action in other people’s faces and laugh!
Belkar: And point! I sometimes point.
- Panel 9
Belkar: Aren’t you going to hassle me to admit to Roy that I did it to save their lives?
Ian: Nope. I’m not a big fan of coming clean.
Belkar: Well, geez, I could have told you that the moment I was first downwind from you.
- Panel 10
Ian: ‘Course, now that they put the dino down for a nap, there’ll be no way to help your friend out against the Champion.
Belkar: Eh. I’m sure Roy will be fine.
- Panel 11
Six soldiers wheel in the Champ, who is chained inside some sort of iron-maiden-like contraption on a cart. Inside, the Champ struggles, "rattle! rattle!" The final soldier holds a massive battleaxe in addition to his sword.
The Champion: rrrrRRRRWWRR
- Panel 12
Belkar: “Finely chopped” counts.
D&D Context
- In the first panel, Belkar refers to a "dump stat" which is when the lowest ability score rolled during character generation is applied to an ability which is not important to the character class being created, e.g. a fighter choosing to have a low intelligence score.
- The title refers to the size of the Roy pieces that will be left after his fight with Thog. Belkar says "finely chopped" counts as "fine"; the title notes that "finely" means somewhat smaller pieces than if Roy were "diminutively chopped". In D&D there are nine Size Categories for creatures. Fine is the smallest size: creatures less than six inches tall or long. Diminutive is the next category larger, encompassing creatures between six inches and one foot. Thus the size of the Roy pieces in this strip are quite specific.
Trivia
- This is the first appearance of the Champ's Guards.
- This is only other appearance of the Clipboard Guard's Assistant from #782, Not Yet Met His Match.