Vaarsuvius springs into action against the elementals.
Cast
- The Order of the Stick
- Hinjo ◀ ▶
- Three Titanium Elementals ◀
- Several Azure City Soldiers
Transcript
- Panel 1, Page 1
Hinjo and V stand at the battlements.
Hinjo: ...Twelve Gods! They're tearing up the walls! What are those things?
Vaarsuvius: Titanium. Very distasteful. Does he not know that the classical elements are classics for a reason??
- Panel 2, Page 1
Cut to three soldiers fighting one of the Titanium Elementals, their swords and arrows do nothing, "klang! kating!"
Hinjo (inset): Their weapons are barely hurting it!
Roy (inset): Let us handle it.
- Panel 3, Page 1
The Order circles up and Roy gives orders.
Roy: Durkon, Haley, and Elan, you take the one on the right. Belkar, we'll take the one in the middle.
Vaarsuvius: Then I suppose that I shall "handle" the three on the left.
- Panel 4, Page 1
Roy: What? No, it's too dangerous, we'll fight them after—
Vaarsuvius: Fret not, I purchased a few scrolls that shall do the trick.
- Panel 5, Page 1
Vaarsuvlus runs off stage left.
Roy (off-panel): Vaarsuvius!
Roy (off-panel): VAARSUVIUS!
Vaarsuvius: Time is at a premium, precluding extended discussion.
Vaarsuvius: Expeditious Retreat!
- Panel 6, Page 1
As Vaarsuvius runs along the battlements a dead soldier is flung overhead.
- Panel 7, Page 1
V reaches the first elemental, who holds three dead soldiers with two more dead around it.
- Panel 8, Page 1
Vaarsuvius: I fully expected to use these on demons, but elemental interlopers will suffice.
Vaarsuvius: Dismissal!
The elemental, wide-eyed, is Dismissed to its home plane with a "POP!"
- Panel 9, Page 1
V jumps across the breach in the wall.
- Panel 10, Page 1
V runs along the battlements.
- Panel 11, Page 1
A lone soldier strikes ineffectually at one of a pair of Titanium Elementals, "klang!"
- Panel 1, Page 2
The first elemental throws a huge chunk of the wall at V. The boulder kills two soldiers with a "thud!" and knocks V back, dropping the scrolls.
- Panel 2, Page 2
V dusts off his or her robe and picks up the scrolls.
- Panel 3, Page 2
Vaarsuvius: DISMISSAL!
V reads a scroll, dismissing the first of the pair with a "POP!"
- Panel 4, Page 2
The other elemental smashes the wall with its fists, "whunk!", breaking it apart underneath V and two soldiers, "krraaack!"
- Panel 5, Page 2
V and the two soldiers cling precariously to a crumbling piece of the wall. The last scroll slides down the top of the wall towards the edge.
- Panel 6, Page 2
One of the soldiers catches the scroll just as it falls off the edge.
- Panel 7, Page 2
He tosses it back up to V, who catches it.
- Panel 8, Page 2
Vaarsuvius: DISMISSAL!
V dismisses the final elemental with a "POP!", as the wall crumbles and the soldier loses his grip.
- Panel 9, Page 2
V and the two soldiers tumble in free-fall through the air.
- Panel 10, Page 2
Vaarsuvius: Feather Fall!
- Panel 11, Page 2
All three of them float safely to the ground.
- Panel 12, Page 2
Solider #1: Hey, thanks, friend!
Solider 2: I thought those things were gonna kill us.
Vaarsuvius: Think nothing of it. I merely exercised one of the oldest truisms in warfare.
- Panel 13, Page 3
Vaarsuvlus: "Paper beats rock."
D&D Context
- In D&D, scrolls are a convenient way of quickly employing spells without necessarily having them otherwise prepared—and faster than it would otherwise be possible. The downside is that they are consumed by their use (and cost money to make).
- Expeditious Retreat, a 1st level spell, increases the caster's base land speed by 30, which also increases jumping distance.
- Dismissal is a 5th level wizard spell which forces an extraplanar creature back to its home plane.
- Feather Fall is a 1st level spell which allow up to 1 creature per caster level to fall at a non-damaging speed of 10 feet per second (60 feet per round).
Trivia
- The title is a pun on the common English idiom, "A woman's work is never done".
- Paper beats rock in rock-paper-scissors.
- This is the final appearance of the Titanium Elementals. They first appeared in #422.