The party discovers the tomb of Girard Draketooth under the statue at the entrance to the pyramid. Haley is tasked with searching its dry crumbly assbone.
Cast
- Roy Greenhilt ◀ ▶
- Haley Starshine ◀ ▶
- Durkon Thundershield ◀ ▶
- Belkar Bitterleaf ◀ ▶
- Girard Draketooth (also as statue) ◀ ▶
- Draketooth Comedian ◀
Transcript
- Panel 1
Roy and Haley examine the butt cheeks on the statue of Girard Draketooth.
Haley: I just want it on the record that I think you're taking this too literally.
Roy: Duly noted. Keep looking.
- Panel 2
Belkar: Hey, anyone seen Vaarsuvius? Mr. Scruffy needs the kobold to open his mouth for a minute.
Roy: Why?
Belkar: ...No reason. Don't worry about it. I'm sure the elf will turn up.
- Panel 3
Durkon: Lad, ifn' yer gonna ask tha corpse anymore questions, ye better hurry 'fore tha spell runs out.
Roy: Good point.
- Panel 4
Roy: Well, if you won't give us a straight answer about the Gate...
Roy: Where is Girard Draketooth.
Draketooth Comedian: Beneath...
Draketooth Comedian: ...his own...
Draketooth Comedian: ...feet.
- Panel 5
Roy: Another damn riddle. What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Haley: Hey, I think I found a secret—
Something in the statues goes, "click!"
- Panel 6
The base of the statue begins to open with a "wrrrrrrrrshtcht!" causing Haley to fall off.
Haley: Whoa!!
- Panel 7
The base of the statue is a sarcophagus containing the skeletal remains of Girard Draketooth. The party looks inside.
Haley: Huh, Girard Draketooth, I presume.
Belkar: At least one of them had the courtesy to put themselves into a crypt after they all died.
Roy: Damn it. I was holding out hope that he had escaped the slaughter up there—but he was dead before it started.
Durkon: Aye, lad. E's been dead fer twenty years or more.
- Panel 8
Haley: Should we try to raise him?
Roy: Eventually, yeah. But if anyone was going to hold to your
theory about resisting it, it would be him.
Roy: And look at his teeth—he may well have died of old age.
- Panel 9
Haley: I guess we have to assume at this point that Girard's Gate is functionally undefended.
Roy: Girard may have been a spiteful curmudgeon, but he was still doing the world a great service. We're all a little less safe now that he and his heirs have passed.
- Panel 10
beat
- Panel 11
Haley: You're going to make me search that skeleton's dry crumbly assbone, aren't you?
Roy: Yep.
D&D Context
- Characters who have died of old age, such as Girard Draketooth may have, cannot be resurrected by clerical magic.
Trivia
- Mr. Scruffy has been using Yukyuk's mouth for a litter box since #835.
- The title is a pun on the phrase "no stone unturned."
- This is the final appearance of the Draketooth Comedian, pioneer of ass comedy. He first appeared in #841.