Thor explains how goblins and other monsters were created and why, and how they exist in the ecosystem of the god's creation.
Cast
Transcript
- Panel 1, Page 1
Durkon: So, uh…I want'd ta know if'n I could ask ye aboot sumthin' Redcloak said.
Thor: I already told you the biggest secret in the multiverse, so sure, why not?
Thor: Ask away.
- Panel 2, Page 1
Durkon: Redcloak said…
Durkon: 'E said tha goblins were creat'd by tha gods solely ta be fodder fer other races, so heroes could kill 'em an' get more powerful.
- Panel 3, Page 1
Thor: Wow. That is…
Thor: …the single least charitable way to describe it.
- Panel 4, Page 1
Durkon: Och, I really dinnae like how much tha were na a firm, Na.
Thor: Sorry, it's just that it's a lot more complicated than that.
- Panel 5, Page 1
Thor: First of all, most of us didn't have anything to do with the goblins. We take turns making things for each world. Fenris made the goblins.
Thor: He has this dumb idea that if he makes people that age fast and breed a lot, they're going to outcompete all the other groups.
Thor: He tries to do it whenever we do the fantasy genre, then he gets bored when they don't work out right away and turns all his attention to the more "fun" monsters.
Thor: This time he made the green ones Medium for some reason, as if that changes anything.
- Panel 6, Page 1
Thor: But second…we were making an ecosystem. Things consume other things and get stronger, that's how it works.
Thor: Plants absorb sunlight, animals eat plants, people eat animals, other people defeat them and gain levels.
Thor: Then the worms eat everyone.
- Panel 7, Page 1
Durkon: An' tha gods skim tha souls off tha top. The more levels, tha better tha souls.
Thor: Pretty much. We don't keep making these worlds for fun, we need them.
- Panel 8, Page 1
Durkon: Then Redcloak's right. 'E's food fer us, an' we're food fer ye. Tha whole world's a big ol' soul farm.
Thor: OK, see, again: that's unnecessarily pejorative.
- Panel 1, Page 2
Thor: My point is that we didn't put the goblins in a specific position to be anyone's targets, at least not more than we did everyone else in the whole world.
Thor: Don't forget that it works both ways. If a goblin defeats a dwarf, the goblin gains the levels instead.
- Panel 2, Page 2
Durkon: But tha goblins start'd out wit less, so tha's na usu'lly wha happens.
Durkon: Wha happens, tha dwarf wins cuz 'e's gotta better axe an' better armor an's been eatin' better food 'is whole life!
Durkon: I dunno. I mean, I dinnae want tha dwarf ta lose, but I can see how it's na 'xactly fair fer tha goblin.
- Panel 3, Page 2
Thor: I mean…yes, that's true. We didn't really plan it that way on purpose…but I guess we didn't really prevent it, either.
Thor: But what are we supposed to do now? Take the good land away from people who didn't do anything wrong?
- Panel 4, Page 2
Durkon: Ye could make tha goblins' land better.
Thor: No, even if the other gods agreed to it—which, you know, fat chance—
Thor: —we always intentionally lock ourselves out of widespread changes like that once we finalize the creation process.
Odin: Sometimes you need to publish so you stop fiddling with the punctuation!
- Panel 5, Page 2
Durkon's form starts to distort.
Durkon: Well, I already tried sayin' they could keep tha land they took from tha Azurites, so I dinnae what else ta suggest!
Thor: You'll think of something. Just get in there and try again. And don't get yourself or Minrah imploded.
Durkon: Mebbe if'n ye could—
Durkon: —me some—
Durkon: —off'r ta take back ta—
Thor: Durkon, your spell is running out. Did I give you more than one Commune today?
- Panel 6, Page 2
Durkon's Commune fades away.
Durkon: Na, I only—
Durkon: —ask'd ye fer one—
Thor: Ugh, how does he still never prepare the right spells?
Thor: OK, then, do your best, no pressure, we're counting on you.
Odin: Bye bye!
- Panel 7, Page 2
Durkon: Och, I got cut off.
Minrah: Did he have any advice?
Durkon: Na really. I think we're on our own in solvin' this mess.
Minrah: Did he mention me at all?
- Panel 8, Page 2
Minrah: Don't give me that look, obviously the mission is more important which is why I asked about it first.
Durkon: 'E said I should try na get ye imploded.
Minrah: OK, see? A divine commandment mandating my personal safety is the sort of thing I really need to know about if I'm going to rub it in everyone's faces when I get home.
D&D Context
- Durkon continues to use the Commune spell from the previous strip.
- The monsters shown being created by Fenris in panel 5 are the most common of the goblinoid species in D&D: goblins, hobgoblins, and bugbears. Other goblinoid species known to exist in the Order of the Stick world are the Blue[1] and Aquatic Goblins.[2] Others that exist in D&D but are unknown to exist in Order of the Stick are: Bakemono, Dekanter goblin, Koalinth, Nilbog, Norker, Worghest, and Varag. Gobbotopia includes a broader set of humanoid monsters, including: orcs, ogres, xvarts, gnolls (including flinds), trolls, lycanthropes, minotaurs, orogs, medusas, sligs, grimlocks, lamias, hill giants, ettins, yakfolk, ettercaps, and half-orcs, among unspecified others.
- Goblins in D&D are in the Small Size Category. In panel 5, Thor lampshades the fact that Rich Burlew decided to make them Medium size in the comic because they're easier to draw and more intimidating. There are combat effects that fall out of this decision in D&D game terms.
Trivia
- The title is a pun on options contracts for equities. The equity in question is the equality of the goblinoids to other races.
- Fenrir is referred to in this strip by Thor as Fenris. Fenris is a common shortening of the Old Norse name of the creature, Fenrisúlfr. He referred to himself as Fenrir in his first appearance.
- This is the latest appearance of:
- Thor, God of Thunder. He first appeared in #40, "The Gods Must be Busy", and has run in forty-five strips.
- Odin, God of Magic, Chief of the Northern Pantheon. He first appeared in #137, "Teh Gewd Gods", and has appeared in sixteen strips in total.
- Fenrir, God of Monsters. He first appeared in #999, "The Vote in Gods' Aye".
- Panel 4 Page 2, Thor says the deities lock themselves out of widespread changes after finalizing the creation process (e.g. making their land better). However, "New Edition" depicted characters undergoing changes from the upgrade from D&D 3.0 to 3.5.
- In Panel 6, Page 2, Thor refers to how Durkon has a tendency to not prepare the right spells, such as when he didn't prepare enough Sendings in "Collect Call" and when he neglected to prepare Control Winds in "The Name of the Windy".
External Links
References
- ↑ Comic #546, "O-Chul's Razor"
- ↑ Comic #823, "Yes, It Is"