Durkon discovers he's a father.
Cast
- The Order of the Stick
- Belkar Bitterleaf ◀ ▶
- Vaarsuvius ◀ ▶
- Durkon Thundershield (also as vampire and as spirit) ◀ ▶
- Mr. Scruffy ◀ ▶
- "Durkon" ◀ ▶
- Hilgya Firehelm ◀ ▶
- Kudzu ◀ ▶
- Creed of the Stone Vampire with Long Hair ◀ ▶
- Vampire Dwarf with Red Ponytail ◀ ▶
- Vampire Dwarf with Gray Beard ◀ ▶
- Vampire Dwarf with Blue Curly Hair ◀ ▶
- Vampire Dwarf with Ponytail and Cap ◀ ▶
Transcript
- Panel 1
The vampire clerics are recovering from the flames; the dead vampire mists away.
CotS Vampire with Long Hair: What the Boss was that?
Vampire Dwarf with Red Ponytail: Unnnhhh...
"Durkon": Divine fire. They must have another cleric.
Vampire Dwarf with Blue Curly Hair: Yes, I see her Master! In the back!
- Panel 2
Cut to inside Durkon's head.
"Durkon": Whoa, is that who I think it is?
Durkon: Who? Izzit someone I know?
"Durkon": I literally don't know anyone you haven't met, so yes, obviously.
- Panel 3
"Durkon" drags Durkon by the beard towards the eyehole.
"Durkon": Take a look for yourself.
- Panel 4
Cut back to the fight. Hilgya strikes a vampire with her Morningstar, Belkar and Mr Scruffy attack a vampire together, while Vaarsuvius casts Magic Missile.
Belkar: Hey Ears, I guess Hilgya's boom is just bigger than yours.
Vaarsuvius: That would be expected, given that her magic is powered with additional divine—
Belkar: Ugh, it's not even fun to make fun of you anymore.
- Panel 5
Cut back to inside Durkon's head.
Durkon: Hilgya?!? Wha's she doin' 'ere?!?
"Durkon": Smashing perfectly useful vampire spawn, apparently.
- Panel 6
"Durkon": But what I think is far more interesting is who she is with.
"Durkon": See anything unusual in that harness she's wearing?
- Panel 7
Flashback to the Dungeon of Dorukan. Hilgya and Durkon are sharing a bed, relaxing post-coitus.
Hilgya: Do you have a protection cantrip?
Durkon: ...I dinnae prepare tha spell today.
- Panel 8
Cut back to Durkon's head.
Durkon: I'm a...a pa?
"Durkon": You were.
- Panel 9
The vampire spirit releases Durkon's restraints, which fling him back with a "SNAP!"
"Durkon": Now you're just another in a long procession of dead father figures.
- Panel 10
"Durkon": But look on the bright side. You don't have to worry about that baby growing up without a daddy—
"Durkon": —because they're not growing up at all.
- Panel 11
Durkon: Dinnae touch one hair on tha child's 'ead, ye vile monster!
"Durkon": Uh, I meant because the world's about to end, but thanks for pointing out the bonus leverage I just got.
D&D Context
- The title is the name of one of the special attacks of vampires in D&D, how a vampire can make new lesser vampires from his prey.
Trivia
- The "Boss" of the vampires is Hel, so "What the Boss" in panel 1 is equivalent to saying "What the Hel".
- Durkon himself did not know his father, who was killed before he was born, as relayed in the events of #991, "A Sergeant and a Sapper".
- Belkar's attempt to insult Varasuvius in Panel 4 is based on Varasuvius's long standing belief that arcane magic is more powerful than clerical magic. Unfortunately for Belkar, Varasuvius has grown out of that biased opinion.