Greg checks in with Hel.
Cast
- Durkon Thundershield (as vampire and as illusion) ◀ ▶
- "Durkon" (also as illusion) ◀ ▶
- Hel (also as illusion) ◀ ▶
- Thrym ◀ ▶
- Creed of the Stone Usher with Sandy Hair (as vampire) ◀ ▶
- Creed of the Stone Vampire with Long Hair ◀ ▶
- Brother Sandstone ▶
- Dwarf Defender with Black Beard ▶
- Dwarf Defender with Red Hair ▶
- Dwarf Defender with Black Skin ▶
Transcript
- Panel 1
Thrym: You seem really tense. Maybe an aura massage would help you—
Hel: Wait! My high priest is ready for me to make contact.
- Panel 2
Hel: Please tell me you have have some good news, vampire.
"Durkon": My lady, I am pleased to report that all preparations are going well.
- Panel 3
Hel: Well at least somebody is pulling their own weight around here.
Thrym: Not fair! He's very tiny, his weight is a lot less than mine!
Hel: Thrym has failed to stop the dwarf's allies, and they will arrive at Thor's temple in Firmament before midnight.
- Panel 4
"Durkon": We will be ready. We will have plenty of time to kill Greenhilt and the rest before the Council convenes.
Hel: I don't care if he dies or not! Just keep him away from the meeting until it's over.
- Panel 5
"Durkon": Yes, my lady, of course. As you have taught me through your—bzz!—example, we have several contingencies in place.
"Durkon": The vote shall—bzzt!—transpire according to your—bzzz!—will, and no—bzzzt!
Hel: What is that crackling noise?
"Durkon": Nothing to worry—bzzz!—about, Mistress.
- Panel 6
Cut to Firmament. The Creed of Stone Usher and the Creed of the Stone Vampire with Long Hair are feeding on a Cleric of Thor who is attempting to cast a spell.
"Durkon": Just some static on the line.
"Durkon": I'm sure it will clear up when we're done with dinner.
Cleric of Thor: Ahhhh!
D&D Context
- "Durkon" and Hel are not constrained by a 25 word maximum, so they are using some form of magical communication other than the canonical Sending spell, perhaps some ability of the goddess Hel.
Trivia
- The title is a play on the American consumer advocacy magazine, Consumer Reports
- Hel refers to "Durkon" as her high priest, but that title has at least technically been given to another vampire, in order to free "Durkon" from the sequestering of the High Priests at the Godsmoot.
- Durkon's absence from the comic for 65 strips since #1019 is his longest gap between appearances.
- "Durkon" appears here in clerical robes. Previously he had worn Durkon's plate armor and light steel shield. What became of Durkon's possessions is not known.
- This is the first appearance of Brother Sandstone (as yet to be named) and three defenders killed by the vampires.