Crystal is given the Terminator 2 send-off.
Cast
- Haley Starshine ◀ ▶
- Elan ◀ ▶
- Bandana Secundus ◀ ▶
- Crystal (as golem) ◀
- DGS Aide-de-camp ◀
- Two Gnome Waiters
- A Gnome
Transcript
- Panel 1, Page 1
Crystal emerges from the building
Haley: So…we gonna fight some more?
Crystal: MAYBE LATER
Crystal: YOU STILL NEED KILLING
- Panel 2, Page 1
Haley: You’ve been taking orders from Bozzok ever since we’ve been teenagers. Any thoughts on what you’ll do now?
Crystal: DUNNO
Crystal: MAYBE STAY HERE
- Panel 3, Page 1
Haley: In Tinkertown? Do you think that’s a good idea? You just went all Frankenstein’s monster through their streets.
Crystal: SO?
Crystal: THEY CAN’T STOP ME
- Panel 4, Page 1
Haley: I was thinking maybe you could, you know, go on a quest. Far away from any towns. Try to find a solution for that constant pain you’ve got.
Crystal: HAVE ONE
Crystal: HURTS LESS WHEN I’M HURTING SOMEONE ELSE
- Panel 5, Page 1
Haley: Crystal…that’s…
Haley: That’s not really a sustainable solution over the long term.
Crystal: WHY NOT
- Panel 6, Page 1
Crystal: LOTS OF GNOMES WITH TINY HEADS
Crystal: FUN TO CRUSH
Crystal: WON’T RUN OUT
- Panel 7, Page 1
Haley: Ah.
- Panel 8, Page 1
Haley: It’s weird, Crystal, but I totally meant what I said before about being square with you.
- Panel 9, Page 1
Haley: I look back at my life in the guild and I realize you were the only person I was ever honest with.
Haley: I never needed to hide how much I hated you, or pretend we were friends.
- Panel 10, Page 1
Haley: When no one else knew the real me, at least there was always one person who knew what a total bastard I could be sometimes.
- Panel 11, Page 1
Haley leads Crystal down the street.
Haley: It’s messed up, but I kind of appreciate that about us.
Haley: I’m going to miss it.
- Panel 1, Page 2
Crystal: BECAUSE YOU’RE LEAVING
Haley: Well, sure that. But I’ll miss it for two main reasons.
- Panel 2, Page 2
Haley: First, I think I’ve moved past that whole paranoid lie-to-everyone thing altogether.
Haley: Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great skill to have when you need it, but it’s exhausting to live that way.
- Panel 3, Page 2
Haley: Even though the last year or two has been totally bonkers, the truth is that I don’t think I’ve ever actually been happier than I am right now.
Haley: I have good friends I can trust, I’ve made peace with my dad, and I’m in love with this great guy I can share everything with.
- Panel 4, Page 2
Haley: He’s the one you punched in the chin, by the way.
Crystal: SEEMED NICE
Haley: He is, yeah. Thanks.
They walk past a gate.
- Panel 5, Page 2
Haley: Anyway, I realize now that I was getting something out of our constant rivalry, but it’s a thing I just don’t need anymore.
Haley: I’m in a really good place right now, assuming the world doesn’t get devoured next week.
- Panel 6, Page 2
beat
- Panel 7, Page 2
They walk out on a bridge.
Crystal: OTHER REASON
Haley: Oh, right! Sorry, I got distracted.
- Panel 8, Page 2
Haley: The other reason is that I’m about to kill you again because you’re a sadistic unrepentant murderer who’s a danger to like, everyone.
- Panel 9, Page 2
Cut to a control room.
DGS Aide-de-camp: NOW!
Bandana pulls a lever, "CHH-CHHNG!"
- Panel 10, Page 2
The bridge opens downward, dropping Crystal, while Haley hangs mid-air under the effect of her Fly wand.
- Panel 11, Page 2
The panel perspective pulls back, Haley watches Crystal fall into the space below the bridge. Bandana and the DGS Aide-de-camp are on the far side of the bridge in the control room. A sign over the controls reads, "TINKERTOWN MUNICIPAL WASTE DISPOSAL FACILITY"
- Panel 1, Page 3
Crystal falls towards a pool of lava far below the bridge. There are symbols on the wall near the top of the pit.
- Panel 2, Page 3
Crystal lands in the lava, "SPLOOSH!"
- Panel 3, Page 3
Crystal sinks into the lava.
Crystal: STARRRSHINE!!
- Panel 4, Page 3
Haley watches from above.
Crystal (off-panel): HATE YOU
Crystal: so
- Panel 5, Page 3
Crystal's hand reaches out of the lava.
Crystal: much
Crystal: hate
- Panel 6, Page 3
Haley watches from above.
- Panel 7, Page 3
She flies back to Bandana and the DGS gnome.
- Panel 8, Page 3
beat
- Panel 9, Page 3
Haley, Elan, Bandana, and the DGS Aide-de-camp eat brunch at a café. A chalkboard reads, "Brunch!"
Bandana: Mmmm! These waffles are incredible!
Haley: Screw it, I’m having a second breakfast burrito.
DGS Aide-de-camp: Can I get some more hash browns? Thanks.
Trivia
- There are two pop-culture references being made with Crystal's death scene:
- Crystal is a golem, a construct, much like a robot. The manner of her death in the lava, in particular page 3, panel 5 where she sticks her hand out of the lava, is nearly identical to the way the terminator robot, played by Arnold Schwarzenegger, dies at the end of the 1991 film Terminator 2: Judgement Day.
- Crystal is a golem, and dies in a pool of lava, just like Gollum, the tragic character from The Return of the King, the 1955 conclusion to J.R.R. Tolkien's chef d'œuvre, The Lord of the Rings, dies in the fires of Orodruin, also known as Mount Doom.
- The symbols on the wall of the lava pit are written using Wizardspeak font by Blambot. Written normally, the line reads "This.spell.blocks.the.heat".
- Haley got four free passes to brunch thrown in with the deal to repair the Mechane after haggling with the gnomes off-panel in #965, The Bargain Hunter.
- This is the second and (so far) final time that Haley killed Crystal. She first killed Crystal in #648. This is the final appearance of Crystal, Haley's nemesis (though she didn't know what that word meant). Crystal met Haley when they were both teenagers in the Greysky City Thieves' Guild, and they instantly disliked each other over style issues, particularly Haley's lime green Boots of Speed, which became a running gag, starting all the way back in #3. Crystal appeared in twenty-five strips in total, first appearing in #580.
- This is also the final appearance of the Department of Gnomeland Security Aide-de-camp. She first appeared in #977.