Durkon Holy Smites Sabine and Heals Elan. In response, Nale hits Durkon with a Wand of Enervation, draining some of Durkon's high-level spells. D decides this is the perfect moment to test out his newly researched Mass Death Ward spell—but it fizzles due to Thor and his angels not being able to understand D's accent, although a Masked Debt Gourd may be sent as a consolation prize.
Cast
- Haley Starshine (as statue) ◀ ▶
- Elan ◀ ▶
- Durkon Thundershield ◀ ▶
- Nale ◀ ▶
- Sabine ◀ ▶
- Thor ◀ ▶
- Mr. Jones ◀
- Phil Rodriguez ◀ ▶
- Planetar Receptionist ◀ ▶
- A Solar
Transcript
- Panel 1
Durkon stands on the balcony at the palace. The petrified Haley is at his feet as the injured Lawyers walk away.
Durkon: Haley?? Wha—Whar'd ye come from, lass? An' why're ye stone??
Mr. Jones: Come on, we're filing charges of battery.
Phil Rodriguez: Yeah, double-A batteries, like in my travel alarm!
Mr. Jones: Not that kind of battery.
Phil Rodriguez: Triple-A, then?
- Panel 2
Durkon spies Sabine carrying Elan high above near a spire.
Durkon: Och! Thor's aching bunions! Tha's Elan up thar, wit Sabine?!?
Durkon: Holy Smite!
- Panel 3
Sabine is smitten by the holiness. She drops Elan.
Sabine: Ahhhhh!
Elan: Durkon, I found you! Hooray!
Elan: ...Uh oh.
- Panel 4
Durkon: Och, without the succubus ta hold 'im up, tha lad's fallin' fast.
Durkon: Looks like I'll haf ta use tha old "Cleric's Feather Fall."
- Panel 5
Elan slams down to the ground with a "WHAM!!", cracking the floor, as Durkon warms up a spell.
- Panel 6
Durkon: Heal.
- Panel 7
Elan: Durkon, the Linear Guild is attacking! Sabine and Nale are chasing me, Roy's dueling Thog in the arena, and Zz'dtri turned Haley to stone and is now fighting V!
Durkon: Huh, I dinnae expect ta see tha drow come back.
Elan: I know, right?!?
- Panel 8
Back in the unfinished portion of the palace where the floor ended, Sabine returns to Nale.
Nale: Fly me down to close range, honey. Let's finish this.
Sabine: Nale, we can't fight a cleric without a spellcaster.
Nale: I am a spellcaster, remember.
Nale is pulling a wand out from behind his back.
- Panel 9
Sabine lifts Nale into the air. The wand is tipped with a skull.
Nale: At least enough of one for our purposes.
Nale: Enervation.
The wand buzzes with dark energy. "Zzzrrrrrrrkt!"
- Panel 10
The Enervation bolt strikes Durkon.
Elan: Oh man! Now we've BOTH been level drained!
Durkon: Och, tha just sucked away some o'me best combat spells! I was gonna say a Holy Word next!
Elan: What, like "ditch" or "trench?" Or "bagel?"
- Panel 11
Durkon: Good thing tha spell I've been makin' be exactly wha we need ta protect us both.
Durkon: Mass Death Ward!
- Panel 12
The spell fizzles, "fizzle!"
Durkon: Och, come ON! Wha be it NOW??
- Panel 13
Asgard. Two Angels strain to hear Durkon.
Planetar Receptionist: I don't recognize that spell. Did he just ask for a Mast Depth Word?
Solar: I thought he wanted a Massive Death-Worg.
Thor: Just send a Masked Debt Gourd and be done with it.
Thor: I need to go soak my feet.
D&D Context
- Holy Smite is a 4th level spell available to Good-aligned Clerics. The spell deals 1d6 per level to evil Outsiders like Sabine, to a maximum of 10d6 points of damage.
- Falling does 1d6 damage per 10 feet fallen.
- The "Cleric's Feather Fall" joke refers to the fact that clerics do not have access to the Feather Fall spell, so Durkon is forced to instead let Elan take falling damage and heal him afterwards.
- The Heal spell immediately heals 10 points of damage per level, which for Durkon is 140 points. This likely brings Elan back to perfect health after what was probably a near-fatal fall.
- Enervation is a 4th level spell which gives the target 1d4 negative levels on a successful hit. One of the effects of negative levels is forcing the person to lose their highest-level spells.
- Mass Death Ward is the spell Durkon has been researching, notably in #750. Its effects are similar to the 4th level Death Ward spell, protecting the subjects from death spells, energy drain and other negative energy effects, but works on more than one subject. Since the spell is original to Durkon, it appears that Thor's Receptionist is unfamiliar with it, causing it not to work. The Giant intended the spell to be a fictional game feature, not knowing that it in fact is a published spell, released in the 2005 Spell Compendium; in any case, he treats non-core spells as obscure knowledge that needs to be researched first.
Trivia
- Durkon curses by "Thor's aching bunions" in panel 2. In the final panel, Thor goes to "soak my feet" confirming that he does indeed have bunions.
- This is the final appearance chronologically for the Lawyers, Mr. Jones and Phil Rodriguez, thus far in the comics. It is the final appearance overall for Mr. Jones. Phil Rodriguez appears once more in a flashback in #998. They first appeared to enforce the copyright claims of Wizards of the Coast, then later represented the Sapphire Guard in the trial of the Order of the Stick. Most recently they represented Roy and Belkar in their trial in Bleedingham. Mr. Jones appeared in 17 strips overall, first appearing in #32, Biting the Hand that Feeds Me.