oots


Belkar's addition to the Spice Melange attracts Shai-Hulud.

Cast

Transcript

Panel 1

Roy: What is that smell? It's been in my nose ever since we left the caravan.
Haley: It's Belkar's gift from the spice merchant. He's been practically chugging it for the last few hours.
Belkar: This is... damn, this stuff is amazing.

Panel 2

Belkar: It's like you crystallized the best sex you've ever had with a woman and put it in a tiny bottle on your spice rack.
Belkar: No, wait, it's like you took that spice and snorted it while screwing her hotter sister.
Belkar: In front of her.

Panel 3

Belkar: Elan, you should totally taste this. It will change your life.
Elan: Sure, I'll try some.
Belkar: Oh, no, I meant, you know, hypothetically.
Elan: ...Does "hypothetically" mean "on toast?"
Belkar: No.

Panel 4

Haley: Belkar, are you sure this stuff is safe? Your eyes look a little weird.
Belkar 's eyes turned purple-blue
Belkar: Let me tell you, "safe" is for NPCs. I live on the edge.

Panel 5

Haley: Seriously, Belkar, we are not lugging your misogynistic little butt around if you make yourself sick again.
Belkar: Fine, fine, I'll read the packaging if it will make you feel better, Mom.

Panel 6

Belkar: No, it doesn't say anything about eye color change. Just a disclaimer that the distributor is not liable for any gruesome violent deaths resulting from consuming this product in an open desert.
Belkar: So, see? It's perfectly safe for—
Mr. Scruffy looks off stage left in alarm.

Panel 7

Belkar: ...
Belkar: Ah, crap.
Mr. Scruffy starts running.

Panel 8

A gargantuan Purple Worm bursts through the surface of the sand, "RRRRRRRRAAAWWWWWWWWWWRRRR!!!!"
Roy: Holy—!!!
Roy: It must be attracted to the spice!
Belkar: You think?

Panel 9

Durkon: Och, it's times like this, I wish I had a 500-foot tall bottle o' tequilla!
Roy: I don't think that would work to drown the worm.
Durkon: Who said anythin' aboot the worm? I jus'wanna get too blitzed ta rememb'r this!

D&D Context

Trivia

External Links