Celia delivers Roy's body to Hieronymous Grubwiggler.
Cast
- Roy Greenhilt ◀ ▶
- Belkar Bitterleaf (sickened) ◀ ▶
- Mr. Scruffy ◀ ▶
- Celia ◀ ▶
- Solt's Donkey ◀ ▶
- Hieronymus Grubwiggler ▶
- Giro ▶
Transcript
- Panel 1
Celia approaches Grubwiggler's castle with the donkey and cart.
Grubwiggler: Hello, hello, hello! I am Hieronymus Grubwiggler! How may I be of service to you, my lovely lady?
- Panel 2
Celia: Uh, hi.
Celia: So, I saw your flyer, and I have my boyfriend's body in the cart, and—
Grubwiggler: Ah, the two of you had a little tiff, did you?
Grubwiggler winks.
Celia: What? No, I had nothing to do with it.
Grubwiggler: Oh, naturally. No matter, let's take a look.
- Panel 3
Belkar: Awww! The fairy saw us! Now we'll never learn the secret of flying from the Happy Sunshine Pixies!
Celia: Belkar?!? What are you doing here?
Grubwiggler: Huh, Well, I'll give you 10 gp for the skeleton, 30 for the halfling. And 5 silver for the cat, if it's not declawed.
- Panel 4
Celia: What? No! They're not for sale!
Belkar: Not for less than 50 gp and a carafe of piping hot tea!
Celia: Look, the halfling is delirious, ignore him. I'm trying to get the skeleton—uh, my boyfriend, Roy—back up on his feet again.
Grubwiggler: Oh, I see!
- Panel 5
Grubwiggler: You're looking to hire me for a commission job. You pay me, I cast the spells, and you walk away with your dead boyfriend behind you, is that it?
Grubwiggler: Well, it's not my usual line of business, but I see no reason not to make an exception for a fine female specimen such as yourself.
- Panel 6
Celia: Uh, thanks, I think.
Belkar: Thank you, Froggie Man!
Grubwiggler: Just remove all of his clothing and equipment and bring the body up the stairs and inside.
Grubwiggler: My fee will be 20,000 gold pieces.
- Panel 7
Celia: Geez, that's a bit steep, but I guess I can't exactly shop around. I wonder is he has a payment plan option?
Celia picks up Roy's body.
Celia: Ugh, this was a lot more fun last time I did it...
Belkar is sitting on the mule's head, holding Roy's sword.
Belkar: I'm a centaur!
- Panel 8
They enter the castle.
Grubwiggler: Alright, Miss, now if you'll just give the body to my assistant, Giro, we—
Celia: Oh my gods! Look at this place! It's like you got your furnishings from Hate & Barrel!
Celia: I knew this was fishy! You're going to try to turn Roy into some kind of undead monstrosity, aren't you??
- Panel 9
Grubwiggler: What? No! I swear by all the gods that I have no intent of creating undead!
Celia: Don't lie to me, I'm totally using Sense Motive on you!
Grubwiggler: I promise no undead. Vile, loathsome things, I would never create or use them.
- Panel 10
Celia: ...
Celia: OK, then. Just...be careful with him.
Grubwiggler: Now you just wait there while Giro and I prepare "Roy" to live again.
- Panel 11
Grubwiggler: Looks a bit sparse for a flesh golem...
Giro: We do have some formula mixed for a bone golem, Master.
Grubwiggler: Bone golem it is, then.
D&D Context
- The title refers to Bone Golems, the type of golem that Grubwiggler wants to turn Roy's skeleton into. Bone Golems were first introduced in the 1981 1st edition Dungeons & Dragons Expert Set. They subsequently appeared for 2nd edition AD&D in the 1991 Monstrous Compendium Ravenloft Appendix (and other 2e publications) and for 4th edition D&D in the 2009 Monster Manual II. They were never published in any official 3rd edition resources, which is the version of D&D within which the Order of the Stick comic exists.
- Create Undead is a 6th level spell that turns a corpse into an undead of moderate power, such as a ghoul or mummy.
Trivia
- Hieronymus Grubwiggler is loosely based on the character of Victor Frankenstein from Mary Shelly's 1818 novel Frankenstein.
- Grubwiggler's assistant's name, Giro, is an anagram of Igor. Igor is the most common name for Frankenstein's assistant in popular culture as well as generic assistant to other horror villains such as Count Dracula. The character first appears in the 1939 film Son of Frankenstein, featuring Bela Lugosi as Ygor. The two earlier Frankenstein movies (excluding the three from the silent film era), the 1931 Frankenstein and the 1935 Bride of Frankenstein feature lab assistants that go by other names. The original Shelly novel has no lab assistant character.
- Hate and Barrel is a pun on the Crate & Barrel chain of home decorating stores.
- This is the first appearance of Hieronymus Grubwiggler and his assistant, Giro.