oots


Roy seeks his father's help in scrying on the mortal realm, but realizes he may be better off without him entirely. Eugene takes this for reverse psychology

Cast

Transcript

Panel 1, Page 1

Eugene: What’s the matter, Roy? Got bored with the free sex and booze? Decided it would be more fun to come back and kick the old man around some more?
Roy: Yeah, here’s a tip: Playing the victim isn’t going to get much traction with me.

Panel 2, Page 1

Roy: At any rate, I didn’t skip out on eternal bliss and run down a mountain for—
Roy’s Archon: Nine days.
Roy: —nine days in order to resume our scintillating conversation.

Panel 3, Page 1

Roy: I came back so I could look down at the mortal realm. 
Eugene: Awww, did someone not get resurrected on schedule? Poor Roy!

Panel 4, Page 1

Eugene: Well, far be it for me to interrupt you. By all means, cast your gaze upon the living. 
Roy: Thanks, I will.

Panel 5, Page 1

beat

Panel 6, Page 1

Roy: How come all I see are white fluffy clouds?
Eugene: HA!!

Panel 7, Page 1

Eugene: It’s easy, Son, it’s just like scrying.
Eugene: Oh! Wait! That’s right, you’re a fighter! And I bet they didn’t teach scrying in that Fighter’s College of yours, did they?

Panel 8, Page 1

Eugene: Well, it looks like you’re out of luck then, my friend. A shame, since it sure has been an interesting few months down there, yessir. 
Roy: *sigh* Roy’s Archon, can you help me scry on my friends?
Roy’s Archon: Umm…

Panel 9, Page 1

Roy’s Archon: Actually, lantern archons like me don’t have the power to form a scrying pool out of the clouds on our own.
Roy’s Archon: We just hang around and wait for a planetar or a deva to come down, then we watch over their shoulder.

Panel 10, Page 1

Eugene: Look, Dad, getting me rezzed is as important to you as it is to me, so help me look down and see why Durkon is dragging his feet. 
Eugene: Say, “please”. 
Roy: What? 
Eugene: Say, “please”.

Panel 11, Page 1

Roy: Please, Dad. Will you please help me scry the mortal realm? 
Eugene: No.
Roy: …What?

Panel 12, Page 1

Eugene: No.
Eugene: N.
Eugene: O.
Eugene: As in, “No, I will not assist you in scrying the mortal realm.[”]

Panel 1, Page 2

Eugene: You seeing what is happening won’t actually change any of what is transpiring, and thus isn’t at all relevant to me getting onto that mountain.
Eugene: Whether or not you know WHY you haven’t been raised won’t change whether or not you WILL be raised in the future.
Eugene: It’ll just satisfy your curiosity, and I don’t care one whit about that.

Panel 2, Page 2

Roy: Dad, I swear, knock it off and help me—
Eugene: Or what? You won’t destroy Xykon for me?
Eugene: Too late on that Bluff check, Son.

Panel 3, Page 2

Eugene: You made it crystal clear back in Shojo’s throne room that you felt morally obligated to tackle Xykon anyway, on account of him being such a threat to the whole world.
Eugene: So be pissed at me all you want, you’ll still do what I need you to when—or should I say, “if”—your soul and your body ever manage to meet up again.

Panel 4, Page 2

Eugene: You’re dead, Roy. Dead and gone. You have no say in what goes down there anymore.
Eugene: Which means unless Xykon graciously chooses to pop up here in person and allow you to make unarmed attacks against him, you’re useless to me.
Eugene: Or should I say, “Even more useless”?

Panel 5, Page 2

Eugene: In short, I’m done with you.
Eugene: Go back up the mountain and cry to your mother, little boy.

Panel 6, Page 2

Roy: You pathetic old—

Panel 7, Page 2

beat

Panel 8, Page 2

Roy: No, you know what? Fine.
Roy: You do what you’ve got to do.

Panel 9, Page 2

Roy: I mean, normally, I would launch into a huge sarcastic rant, but obviously that isn’t the way to solve my problems, or I wouldn’t be dead at age 28.
Roy’s Archon: Actually, 29. Your birthday was last week.
Roy: You’re not worth the trouble. I’ll find someone else to help me.

Panel 10, Page 2

Eugene: Wait, so you’re just going to take it?
Roy: Looks like. 
Eugene: Don’t you want to get a few shots in at me first? 
Roy: Not really.

Panel 11, Page 2

Roy: Roy’s Archon, any chance of us finding one of those deva’s who’d be willing to help out?
Roy’s Archon: We can give it a shot, sure.

Panel 12, Page 2

Eugene: Hey! Get back here, you moron!
Roy: No.

Panel 1, Page 3

Roy: Why should I? I’m not going to change who you are as a person by shouting a few insults at you, no matter how clever they may be.
Roy: I used to think I could; that if I could just deliver the perfect retort, it would open your eyes a little.

Panel 2, Page 3

Roy: But if everything you’ve been through with Mom and Eric and Grandpa and the literal forces of the cosmos hasn’t made you want to be a better man, I doubt a one-liner from me is going to do the trick now.
Roy: You are who you are, and every time I stoop to the level of engaging you with another angry tirade, I’m a little more like you and a little less like Mom.

Panel 3, Page 3

Roy So, see you around, I guess.

Panel 4, Page 3

Eugene: Oh, I get it. You’re trying to trick me.
Roy: What? Uh, no, Dad, I honestly don’t want you to scry for me.
Roy: I don’t need the stress in my life. Uh, afterlife.

Panel 5, Page 3

Eugene: Well, I can play along, if only so that I can be there when your pathetic attempt at reverse psychology fails.
Roy: No, I really don’t want your help anymore. I’ll find someone else, really.

Panel 6, Page 3

Eugene: Listen to me, young man, you will stand there and watch as I scry for you and you will like it, because I am your father.
Roy: …
Roy: You do know that you don’t make any sense, right?

Panel 7, Page 3

Roy: OK, fine. If your ego can’t grasp not being crucial to everything I say or do, then go ahead and scry for me. On one condition.
Eugene: Name it.

Panel 8, Page 3

Roy: When I eventually destroy Xykon and you are let into the afterlife? You never go to Mom’s house there.
Roy: Not even once.
Roy: You can go anywhere else on the mountain, but not there. You disappear, and your family enjoys eternity without you.

Panel 9, Page 3

Eugene: That’s it?? Agreed.
Roy: Swear. For what it’s worth.
Eugene: I swear.

Panel 10, Page 3

Roy: I don’t know what’s more depressing: That you agreed so easily, or that I knew that you would when I proposed it.
Eugene: What’s that supposed to mean?
Roy: Don’t worry about it. Fire up the scrying pool, Dad.

Panel 11, Page 3

Eugene: You’ll need to concentrate on one person at a time to scry properly.
Roy: Let’s start with Durkon, then. I want to know why he hasn’t raised me yet.

Panel 12, Page 3

Eugene and Roy gaze into gap in the clouds.
Roy: Durkon… Durkon Thundershield… Durkon Thundershield… Durkon…
Durkon's voice is heard far below.
Durkon: …by tha power invest’d in me by tha gods…

Panel 1, Page 4

On the ocean, Hinjo's junk is decorated for a celebration. The other ships of the refugee Azurite fleet sail nearby. Durkon's voice rises from the deck.
Durkon: I now pronounce ye, “Man an’ Wife.”

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