oots


Roy climbs the mountain on his way to his mother's house.

Cast

Transcript

[This comic uses a somewhat nontraditional panel layout to convey movement. It consists of five panels which stretch the length of the page and the mountain slopes continuously between the panels.]

Panel 1

Roy Greenhilt and Roy's Archon climb Mt. Celestia
Roy: Doesn't this mountain ever end?
Roy's Archon: Why? It's not like you get tired anymore, you're dead.
Roy: Yeah, but it’s not exactly easy, and it’s taking forever. I only have a day—two, tops—here in the afterlife, and I’d at least like to see Mom.
Roy's Archon: The mountain is symbolic of the eternal quest for wisdom and understanding. One must climb it in order to receive the rewards of the Celestial Realm.
Roy: Yeah, OK, but rhetoric aside, I sort of expected… I dunno, stairs or something.
Roy's Archon: Well, between you and me, we tried to install an escalator a few centuries back, but all the monks got pissed.
Roy's Archon: Said it violated their ascetic vows, and they felt like they were in a mall.

Panel 2

A Halfling and his archon climb nearby Roy and Roy’s Archon on the mountain; Roy appears to sweating and applying extra strength due to the climbing
Roy's Archon: So, we went back to the old way: You climb the mountain until you reach the level of enlightenment that you’re happy with. Simple, really.
Roy: Simple for you—nnnh!—you’re flying.
Roy's Archon: Actually, it’s just that the gravity exerted by this plane has only a neglible[sic] effect on the photons that make up my being.
Roy: OK, so not so simple.
Roy's Archon: At any rate, we’re only headed to the first tier of attractions right now—
Roy's Archon: —those that deal with sorting out all of the messed-up urges you people have leftover after having your soul stuck in a glorified sausage all of your life.

Panel 3

An Azurite and his archon climbs near the two.
Roy: Wait, so all that stuff you mentioned—that’s only the beginning?
Roy's Archon: Sure. But it takes most souls 30 or 40 years of being dead to get bored with the sex and food and such.
Roy's Archon: When they do, they start climbing again, in search of more spiritually satisfying fare.
Roy: What happens when they get to the top?
Roy's Archon: True perfect enlightenment.
Roy: Really? What’s that like?
Roy's Archon: Beats me. I’m not allowed up there.
Azurite’s Archon: C’mon! You can do it! Eye of the tiger!
Azurite: But I was born under the sign of the Pig.
Azurite’s Archon: ...
Azurite’s Archon: Eye of the Pig, then!

Panel 4

A female and her archon climbs nearby
Roy's Archon: But I dream that someday, after I guide enough clueless petitioners up the mountain—
Roy's Archon: —I will be rewarded with all of the blessings that a higher-class archon has.
Roy's Archon: Wisdom, tranquility, inner strength—

Panel 5

Do-Ragged Sapphire Guardsman with his blue archon climbs below as well as a dwarf and his archon. Roy starts walking up the mountain as he is near the top.
Roy: Hands?
Roy's Archon: That’s intentional.
Roy's Archon: It’s so I don’t strangle smartass newbies.

Trivia

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