Team Evil does battle with the oathspirits of the Sapphire Guard
Cast
- Team Evil
- Ghost-martyrs of the Sapphire Guard
- Soon Kim ◀ ▶
- Black-haired Sapphire Guardswoman ◀ ▶
- Blue Crewcut Sapphire Guardsman ◀ ▶
- Blue-bearded Sapphire Guardsman (as Ghost-martyr) ◀ ▶
- Eyepatched Sapphire Guardsman (also as Ghost-martyr) ◀ ▶
- Black-Haired Sapphire Guardsman ◀ ▶
- Blue Spike Haired Sapphire Guardsman ◀ ▶
- Chonmaged Sapphire Guardsman (as Ghost-martyr) ◀ ▶
- Completely Bald Sapphire Guardsman (also as Ghost-martyr) ◀ ▶
- Crewcut Sapphire Guardswoman (as Ghost-martyr) ◀ ▶
- Flying Sapphire Sorceress ◀ ▶
- Goggled Sapphire Guardsman (also as Ghost-martyr) ◀ ▶
- Grey-cloaked Sapphire Guardsman (as Ghost-martyr) ◀ ▶
- Navy-haired Sapphire Guardsman ◀ ▶
- Dark-Goggled Sapphire Guardsman ◀ ▶
- Grey-bearded Sapphire Guardsman ◀ ▶
- Unarmored Midriff-baring Sapphire Guardswoman ◀ ▶
- Armored Midriff-baring Sapphire Guardswoman ◀
- Bald Bearded Sapphire Guardsman ◀
- Blue Streak Sapphire Guardswoman ▶
- Elderly Sapphire Guardswoman ◀
- Viking-helmed Sapphire Guardsman ◀
Transcript
- Panel 1, Page 1
Redcloak and Jirix walk towards the entrance to the throne room.
Redcloak: Make sure all of the entrances are blocked. Xykon should have seized the throne room by now...
- Panel 2, Page 1
More than a dozen spectral paladins are attacking Xykon, who is responding with a Lightning Bolt.
Xykon: Why won't you DIE AGAIN, you stupid friggin' ghost-things?!?
- Panel 3, Page 1
Redcloak and Jirix rush to aid Xykon.
Redcloak: "Should have" being the key phrase.
- Panel 4, Page 1
Xykon: What took you so long?
Redcloak: Xykon! Are you OK?
Xykon: I tell you, most of them just sting a little, but the dude with the Fu Manchu really packs a wallop.
- Panel 5, Page 1
Redcloak:Harm! Now make that last, that's my last one.
Xykon: I already tagged a bunch, but there's still a ton of them left. Suckers are tough.
Redcloak: Wait, were you using fire and lightning to fight them?
Xykon: Yeah. Why?
- Panel 6, Page 1
Redcloak: Sir, that stuff only has a 50% chance of affecting incorporeal creatures at all!
Xykon: Well how the hell am I supposed to remember that? Like I sat and read the rules on Special Abilities.
- Panel 7, Page 1
Redcloak: Actually... I don't think they ARE ghosts. I don't even think they're undead.
Redcloak: They look like some sort of positive energy spirit, probably homebrewed or cribbed off of another campaign setting...
- Panel 8, Page 1
Redcloak: Do you have any uses of Rebuke Undead left?
Jirix: I though you said they weren't undead?
Redcloak: They're not.
- Panel 9, Page 1
Redcloak: But you know how a negative energy spell like Harm heals the undead? If a good cleric can turn or destroy undead by channeling positive energy—
Jirix: —then we should be able to channel our negative energy to turn or destroy these positive energy spirits! Brilliant, Supreme Leader!
Xykon: Did you two nerds come up with a plan yet? I'm running out of spells above 5th level!
- Panel 10, Page 1
Redcloak and Jirix: TURN UNDEAD!
Redcloak:(Sort of.)
Redcloaks cone of negative energy causes several of the Ghost-martyrs to disappear, "POOF! POOF! POOF! POOF! POOF!", but the paladins resist Jirix's cone.
- Panel 1, Page 2
Jirix: Sir, mine didn't work.
Redcloak: Mine did. I think the throne room is consecrated, and you're not high enough level to overcome its effects.
Armored Midriff-baring Guardswoman attacks Jirix.
Jirix: Aaah!
- Panel 2, Page 2
Redcloak:OK, get out of here, and keep the other hobgoblins from coming in until I give the all clear.
Jirix: Sir, look out!
- Panel 3, Page 2
Soon Kim: Bearer of the Crimson Mantle! Too long has your evil threatened the world!
Soon Kim: Your death here today shall end your wretched kind's threat forever.
- Panel 4, Page 2
Redcloak: Funny, I was thinking the exact same thing about the Sapphire Guard.
Redcloak "turns" all of the spirit paladins except Soon Kim, "POOF! POOF! POOF!"
- Panel 5, Page 2
Soon is dazed.
Redcloak: Interesting...
- Panel 6, Page 2
Xykon: So, any ideas on how we should fight 'Stache Boy, whoever he is?
Redcloak: Soon.
Xykon: I'd prefer to know right now, thanks.
- Panel 7, Page 2
Redcloak: No, I mean, that's his name.
Xykon: What is?
Redcloak: Soon!
Xykon: Look, if you don't want to tell me his name yet, fine, but we really should find a way to beat him!
Redcloak: *sigh*
- Panel 8, Page 2
Redcloak: My negative energy didn't affect him directly—he probably has way to many Hit Dice—but he DID seem to be stunned when his lackeys were poofed.
Redcloak: I can keep "turning" them, but I need you to keep Soon—uh, the leader—occupied while I do it.
- Panel 9, Page 2
Xykon: With what? I'm low on high-level spells, and you said fire and lightning don't work right.
Xykon: Try Magic Missile
Xykon: Have you lost your green mind? That's like my single weakest spell!
Redcloak: But it deals force damage, which should be effective against incorporeal creatures.
Xykon: ...Oh really?
- Panel 10, Page 2
Soon Kim: I'll handle the cleric, you keep whittling at the lich.
Xykon: HEY! Paladin dude! Do you know what the best part about killing the entire Sapphire Guard was?
- Panel 11, Page 2
Xykon: Neither do I. I wasn't actually paying attention when I did it.
Xykon: Maximized Magic Missile.
Direct hit. Soon is still present.
- Panel 12, Page 2
Soon Kim: Undead abomination, the holy light of the Twelve Gods shall strike you down!
Soon Kim: SMITE EVIL!
Soon strikes Xykon.
Xykon: AAAAAHHH!
Xykon: Goddamn it, I forgot how much pain tends to hurt!
D&D Context
- Xykon's Lightning Bolts do 10d6 damage.
- Harm acts like a Heal spell on undead, giving Xykon a maximum of 150 hit points.
- Low on high-level spells, Xykon may be using the 1st level Burning Hands spell in the 9th panel of the 1st page. It does 5d4 damage.
- Clerics can only turn undead up to a certain level, which is dependent on the level of the cleric doing the turning. Thus Jirix couldn't turn the spirits of the Sapphire guard, but Redcloak could, while even Redcloak couldn't turn the very high level Soon Kim.
- Incorporeal creatures have a 50% chance to ignore spells and magic weapons except positive and negative energy and force attacks.
- Homebrewed rules are variations of the standard D&D rules designed by individual gamers for their own games.
- The 3.5 sourcebook Book of Exalted Deeds did indeed include rules for spirits based on positive energy, called deathless, which could be turned and destroyed by evil clerics in the same manner that good clerics turn and destroy undead. One type of deathless listed in the book, the Sacred Watcher, matches up very well with the traits of the oathspirits.
- Maximize Spell is a metamagic Feat which allows the caster to get maximum possible damage from a spell, in this case, Magic Missile.
- Xykon's Magic Missiles do 25 damage, total, since he used the Maximize Feat.
- Smite Evil allows a paladin to do extra damage against evil creatures.
Trivia
- This is canonically the first appearance of Jirix, even though his holy symbol looks different and #704 implies that his later death and resurrection was his first death. In the commentary to Don't Split the Party, Rich Burlew says he intended this cleric to be Jirix.
- This is the first appearance of the Blue Streak Sapphire Guardswoman.
- This is the final appearance of Elderly Sapphire Guardswoman, Grey-beard Sapphire Guardsman, Bald Bearded Sapphire Guardsman, Armored Midriff-baring Sapphire Guardswoman, and Viking-helmed Sapphire Guardsman.