oots


Belkar decides to fight Lawful with Lawful.

Cast

Transcript

Panel 1

Belkar: Oh, look at poor little me, I seem to have forgotten my lead sheet in my hotel room!

Panel 2

Miko: Detect—
Mr. Jones (off-panel): Stop right there!

Panel 3

The Lawyer enteres.
Mr. Jones: Miss Miyazaki, I have here a court order demanding that you immediately cease and desist all attempts to detect Mr. Bitterleaf's alignment.
Miko: Excuse me?

Panel 4

Mr. Jones: You have placed my client under arrest for an alleged criminal infraction against universal existence, but this does not give you the power to infringe upon his expectation of privacy.

Panel 5

Mr. Jones: As a law enforcement officer, your repeated attempts to use supernatural abilities to discover his true moral alignment clearly constitute an illegal search, and as a result, violate my client's civil rights.

Panel 6

Mr. Jones: We have therefore filed for an injunction against further uses of the Detect Evil power, the Detect Evil spell, or other class or race ability that might divine incriminating facts about my client.
Belkar: Translated into Common: Suck it!

Panel 7

Miko: Very well, I suppose if the law prohibits—
Belkar: Wait. It gets better.

Panel 8

Mr. Jones: I also have here a class-action suit on behalf of all characters and monsters that you have exposed to this Detect Evil power over the years.
Miko: What??

Panel 9

The Lawyer produces another document from his briefcase.
Mr. Jones: We have several affidavits from clerics and other medical professionals that the emanations from your supernatural ability are blocked by sheets of lead, in a manner consistent with X-rays, gamma rays, and other forms of potentially harmful radiation.

Panel 10

Mr. Jones: As a result, there is a potential and unexplored health risk due to exposure to this radiation, but you are alleged to have willfully exposed thousands of monsters without regard to their well-being.

Panel 11

Miko: This is preposterous! My Detect Evil power is granted by the gods, it is not harmful.
Mr. Jones: Oh really? Are you aware that an alarmingly high percentage of the creatures you have exposed to this radiation are now deceased?

Panel 12

Miko: Yes! Because they were Evil, so I killed them!
Mr. Jones: The plaintiff rests.

D&D Context

Trivia

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