We learn the secret of small towns.
Cast
- Roy Greenhilt ◀ ▶
- Haley Starshine ◀ ▶
- Elan ◀ ▶
- Brother Hiram ▶
- Old Man with Cryptic Musings ▶
- Timothy
- A Woman Selling Apples
- A Hand Axe salesman
- His daughter
- A Tavern Proprietor
Transcript
- Panel 1
Morning in a small town. A tumbleweed rolls through the scene. Signs on the buildings read, "Temple of Freya" and "TAVERN".
Brother Hiram: Ahh, what a beautiful morning!
Old Man: Ayup.
Apple Saleswoman: Apples! One copper apiece!
- Panel 2
Timothy rides in fast on a horse.
Timothy: Brother Hiram! Brother Hiram!
- Panel 3
Hiram: What is wrong, Timothy?
Timothy: Adventurers! Headed straight fer the town!
- Panel 4
Hiram: By Freya! Adventurers? Are you certain!
Timothy: Yessir. They're armed to the teeth.
- Panel 5
Hiram: Adventurers. In our town. I think we all know what this means.
- Panel 6
Hiram (off-panel): We don't have much time to prepare.
The apple saleswoman rushes off.
- Panel 7
Hiram (off-panel): Do what you can, and may the gods have mercy on all of us.
The tavern proprietor boards up the window to his tavern, hammering in the nails, "bang! bang! bang!"
- Panel 8
Axe Salesman's daughter: What's going to happen now, Daddy?
Axe Salesman: I don't know, Pumpkin. Whatever happens next, never forget this:
- Panel 9
The party walks into to town. Over the Temple of Freya a banner has been hung which reads, "Healing! Cheap!", below which a sign reads, "Missing Limbs—25% off!".
The Old Man has put up a sign behind his rocking chair which reads, "Cryptic Musings by Old Man 200 gp".
The board that the tavern proprietor put up has been painted to read, "Quest Special! 2 drink minimum".
The axe salesman has erected a sign which reads, "Hand Axes Two for One!".
The apple saleswoman now wears a more revealing outfit, consisting of a pink top and a short black skirt.
The tumbleweed has a price tag attached, "12 gp".
Axe Salesman: Don't haggle lower than 70% list price. It cuts too deep into our margins.
Girl: *sniff* I love you, Daddy!
Apple Saleswoman: Apples! One platinum apiece!
Elan: I love small towns!
D&D Context
- At the standard conversion rates in 3.5e D&D, the price for an apple being charged by the apple saleswoman increases 99,900%. (1 pp = 1/1000 cp).
Trivia
- This is the first comic of the second book, No Cure for the Paladin Blues.
- The title is reference to Paul Revere's legendary warning, "The British are Coming! The British are Coming!" that he gave during his midnight ride. The phrase attributed to him is not historically accurate; he and William Dawes actually called out the warning "The Regulars are coming out!"
- The first panel may be a reference to the opening song from the 1943 Broadway musical Oklahoma!, "Oh, What a Beautiful Mornin'".
- This is the first appearance of Brother Hiram, and the Old Man with Cryptic Musings.
- This is the only appearance of Timothy.